Newborn Fathers

 Less than two weeks ago my daughter was born. It was an exciting time and this makes me a father of two. It is a very busy time for a family as newborns have very small stomachs and thus must eat often. None of this is a surprise to most people. We al hear about the lost sleep to babies. What we don't hear about as much is how hard it is to be useful as a father of a newborn.

Now please understand, there is a lot to do. I am making a lot of the meals. I'm doing a lot of parental tasks for our toddler. I am busy. However, there is a lot I wish I could help with more.

I can't breast feed. As such my wife has to do all the breast feeding, which is going exceptionally well. It's going so well we don't currently need formula. Our daughter figured it out on the day she was born and there has been no looking back. But the great performance means that the milk production is happening if the baby eats it or not. So now a large percentage of my wife's day is dispensing milk. I cannot do this for her so I can't free up time for her to do other things.

I can't heal from delivery. Mothers get beat up pretty good when they deliver babies. It is just the way it is. As humans we heal best when we are asleep, but it is quite hard to get sleep when you have to feed a baby regularly and breastfeeding has gone so well there is an abundance of milk.

I can't build the mother baby connection. Mom's have a special connection with their children. Dad's do too, but it isn't the same. Mom's seem to have to spend a lot of time with there wee ones. This is awesome but also time consuming. I can't do any of it for my wife.

All these things are rather time consuming. It doesn't leave a new mom with much time for other things including personal pursuits. As a caring husband and father I want to do more but so much I can't. I want to make things easier for my wife, but she needs to do what she needs to do. So I find my role is still important but a lot of secondary tasks. I get her snacks while she breastfeeds. I make meals. I rub her feet and shoulders so she can relax a bit. I keep her company, especially at night when it can be a bit lonely. These are all important tasks but they are not glamorous. They don't always seem like the most important things to do, but that's part of the role of a new father. We set the moms up for success. We do the behind the scenes activities that are not discussed at playgroup. We keep the machine ready for action.

While this is critical, it doesn't feel like what I thought being a newborn father would be. The second time around I was better prepared for it. I was ready to fill support roles but, the feeling is still there, and that's ok. We work as a team to take care of the family and I know that the traditional dad stuff is coming. In a few short months, I'll be doing more dad tasks and my role will change to more of what I think a lot of guys expect when then become dads.

So, if you are a new dad and a bit lost or confused, support the new mom and know that your time to shine is coming, and it will be very, very soon.

Too Much Fighting

If you happen to follow professional wrestling you are aware that All Elite Wrestling has fired CM Punk. CM Punk is a character portrayed by a guy named Phil Brooks.While pro wrestling portrays fighting, you are expected to work together as some type of team. You can have disagreements but at the end of the day fighting is not looked at in a favourable light.

CM Punk is a very talented wrestler. Many people held them as their favourite wrestler. He does portray a compelling character. I’ve watched some of his matches and they can be really good. However, if you can’t get along and you keep fighting with the people you work with, something is going to give and he lost his job.

This post isn’t really about wrestling. I’m a very casual fan. I may watch an hour a month or less. This post is really about those people who feel they need to start fights all the time.

If you are fighting with the people you work with all the time things will not last. If you cannot find common ground, things will not last. Even if you are usually right, if you can’t get people to buy into your message, things will not last.

Fighting everyone is exhausting. Not listening and pushing back all the time wears you out. You need to work with others and you need to hear what they are saying. You may not agree but you need to understand where it is coming from.

The crazy thing is, going back to the wrestling story, everyone would have made more money if they could have found a way to get along. The idea of fighting can be romantic. I fought for this. It was a big fight to get that. It sounds great but you don’t fight with your team. You can disagree but you don’t fight.

When you look at the world around yourself, as best you can, stay away from people who just have to fight. If you have to be around them, try to help, until they are picking fights with you.

Picking fights at work will never work out in the long run so don’t be like CM Punk and keep picking fights.

Canadian Facebook Got Better

Recently the Canadian Government passed a law requiring large tech firms like Meta and Google to negotiate deals with news providers for their content. The argument was since these large corporations that are pretty darn good at what they do, demand the lion's share of advertising dollars, they should be paying to use content that has been traditionally funded by these advertising dollars. To a simpleton, this looks like a good idea. The politicians who brought forward the law did not expect what happened next.

Meta and Google stopped allowing Canadian news on their platforms.

These companies are not public utilities. They did not require a charter to operate in Canada and they are free to manage their organization as they see fit.

News was not a big part of their platform traffic. However, it could be argued it was the most annoying part of their platform. Articles would get shared. Since most news agencies don't really give us the news anymore but in fact are trying to tell us how to think, inane arguments would break out that would solve nothing. The public discourse would not be for the greater good and it all would help feed the unreasonable tribalism that is growing in Canada.

If you think about what Facebook was when it changed the internet forever. It was a place for people to share their life and connect with people they knew. It exploded because you could keep people in your life that were not in your close proximity. That isn't what Facebook is today. Most people don't share original content. In fact most don't share any content but if they do, it is something that resonates with them but was created by someone else. I think it was inevitable that we would get to this place. Most people are not very good at expressing themselves.

Since the news has disappeared from Facebook in Canada I have found it to be a better online platform. I'm seeing more from people I know. I'm not sure if they are sharing more or if what they are sharing is cutting through the noise but it really doesn't matter. No longer are people posting news articles trying to bait others into arguments. With news out of the way, I'm more likely to be shown content that I want to consume. I know the algorithm looks at everything I do and tries to find me things I'll read but for a long time a lot of it wasn't worth reading. Too much news, not enough fun. Now there is more fun.

Facebook can still be a huge time suck. There are better things to do with my time than scroll on social media. However, I like to be connected and have a bit of a finger on the pulse. Because there is no editorial standard you encounter a lot of garbage but you also encounter some very raw truths. You end up seeing some of the best of people and of course you see the bad in people as well.

The Canadian Government inadvertently made Facebook better and over time I think that more and more Canadian will not want to go back to what it was.

A Bad Workout is a Good Thing

If you exercise regularly you love the great workout. You know the one. Everything feels light, you can't seem to get gassed. You feel like a machine. These workouts are great and keep you coming back. However, not every workout is like this.

Some workouts are bad. You feel tired. Everything is way too heavy. Your cardio hurts. It is just not very good. As you slog through the event you wonder why did I show up. Why did I leave the comfort of my warm bed. These feelings are real and they are normal.

All that being said, a bad workout is a good thing. 

Bad workouts are a sign of consistency. Human bodies cannot operate at peak level every day. We have events and forces outside of our fitness routines that influence our ability to exercise. When you have a bad workout it means you are human. It also means you chose to be consistent and this choice is important for success.

Being consistent takes discipline as motivation ebbs and flows. The food you eat, other actions in your life, your family and work demands all impact your motivation to exercise. If you are having bad workouts it means you are a disciplined person. You show up even if you are not feeling it today. You show up when everyone else is doing something else. By showing up, you are going to see the results you are looking for. In the long run, the bad workouts are going to help you get to where you want to be.

I do want to be clear. If you are injured you need rest and recovery before you continue. Just like a piece of paper, your body will not get less torn if you keep pulling on it. Likewise, if you are ill, not just a bit off but truly ill, you need to take some time to get better or you could get a lot worse.

Bad workouts show you what you need to work on. If things are not going well, you will see where your biggest weaknesses are. When you know what needs to be fixed, you can focus your attention in the right direction. It's easy to do the things we are good at and when we are exercising we feel good about ourselves when we do things well. Having a bad workout will show you your weakest spots and can you can work on them.

Finally, a bad workout contributes to the end goal just like a good work. If you are faced to work harder to get the reps in or finish your cardio plan, you will get fitter. The next workout or maybe the one after than will feel amazing. You will be able to do more than ever before. All this is not because of one bad workout, it is because of the discipline to stay consistent over time and stick it out. It's because you put yourself in a position to have bad workouts. By putting yourself into challenging positions, you will do amazing things.

Next time you think your workout is going to be bad, get at it. Get it done and reap the rewards.