Before You Are Thirsty

 There is an old expression that you need to dig the well before you are thirsty. This isn't talking about water, but I'm sure you already know that. This old adage is all about building relationships. It informs or reminds us that we need to build relationships before we need relationships.

It is getting easier and easier to be a distrustful person these days. With the unrestricted ability for nearly anyone to publish information for the entire world to consume, editorial standards are a phenomenon from a bygone era. Yes, there are still some organizations that follow the long accepted standards for disseminating information but in this day and age, you don't have to. 

Within the profession of journalism, there was always a desire to be first. Reporters wanted to get a scoop. They wanted to be the first to report something. Within that community it carries a certain cache be the first. However, for the mass public consuming your product I'm not sure it was as important. Now, fast forward to current day and you don't have to follow any standards to have your information published, so you can always be first, if you don't care about the truth.

But what does this have to do about building relationships?

We are hurtling towards a world of complete distrust. There will be a day that comes sooner than later where if you don't know someone, there is no way you will be able to get them to do anything for you. So, to overcome that, you need to get to know people before you need something from them. We can't operate in isolation. Humans have built great systems, but systems bring about the rise of specialists. As such, you can't do it all yourself and at some point you will need help.

Since we are not very good at predicting the future and most people can't accurately predict where they will be in even three years, you don't know who is going to be around you or in a position to help you. So, at worst you need to not be burning bridges and at best you need to be cultivating relationships with people who you need nothing from. Some day someone from your past will be holding the keys to what you need. You don't want tot fail before you start because they don't know you or, even worse, don't like you. 

So start digging. Spend time with people and get to know them. Have a beer with them. Laugh at their jokes. Move into their trusted circle. When they ask for help, do more than you have to and as much as you can. You don't know when you may have to ask for some help. 

Everyone has competing priorities, so be the person others like to help so yours moves up the list.

Make Them Feel Special

It is always easier getting something from someone you know. At times what you ask for may be embarrassing and a stranger may be easier to talk to, getting results is a different story.

To increase the likelihood of successfully getting someone to do something for you, first you need to build a relationship with them. Hopefully, you can do this before you need anything from them. This is not always possible. When you are new to an organization, you have not had time to build the required relationships. In those times, you need to rely on other persuasive tactics. Over time, opportunities will present themselves for you to get to know people, but more importantly, you need them to get to know you. The easiest way to start the process is to make them feel special.

Acknowledge people. Make them feel heard. Make them want to be around you. These are all important, but how do you get there. In the busy world we live in where information is coming at you from every direction, it is hard to keep up with it all. It is hard to know what to respond to first. To make is simpler, look at the medium that carries the message.

If somebody walks into your workspace, take the time. Whatever they are talking about may not be important in the grand scheme of things, and may not be important to you, but it is sure important to them. They took the time to find you and spend time with you. Listen to them. 

On the other end of the spectrum, if somebody sends you a letter, they want a response but it probably isn't due the moment you open the letter. It can sit on the side for some time.

If you are trying to build relationships, talk to them about things they find important outside of work. You may have nothing in common but if they can tell you about their hobbies or children, while you take a genuine interest, it will make it easier for you to get something in the future. Too often people say I don't have time for this and blow people off. It doesn't help in the future as they will be willing to blow you off.

Be welcoming. Try to break down barriers to access you. Keep doors open. Invite people to stop by your workspace and take time for them when you do. Don't live in the ivory tower. 

Share some of yourself. You don't have to tell them everything about you but be human. Let them know about what on the job is going well and where you want to make improvements. Share fun moments you have. You don't have to pull the curtain all the way back and air all your dirty laundry, but show you are a person.

Get to know people in your organization you currently don't have any work interaction with. Your role or their role may change and you may need them someday. Have that relationship available.

To put a nice bow on all of it, be a nice person. This does not mean you let people walk all over you, but when you communicate be polite. Don't try to hurt people and actively help people who need it. 

We can't all work in isolation, so to make it easier to get things done, make others feel special.

Treat People Like People

I worked with an individual for many years who was an excellent leader. I made a point of spending a lot of time with him because, I learned a lot. His wisdom came down to a pretty basic but powerful idea to treat people like people. I often reflect on this concept. I think it holds a lot more water in our current climate than it has at any point in my lifetime.

More and more, I am finding that as we become more tribal, we are not treating people with the basic human dignity that makes many things go so much easier. Too often we are looking at people as numbers or resources. They are worker hours or votes. They are revenue sources or benefit allocations. They are their role not their soul.

While we are able to predict human behaviour and it is amazing how often people fall into line and do what we expect them to do, that does not mean that they are not individuals. Just because we can push someone’s buttons and elicit a highly predictable result, it does not mean that they don’t have hopes or fears.

So, how do we treat people like people?

We listen. People want to be heard. They want an opportunity to express their opinions. They want to know their point of view has been considered. Most people will understand if their idea isn’t used, especially if they are given an explanation. However, they want to be heard.

At least some of the time we give them what they want.. If it doesn’t cause undue hardship and supports the broader goals, you should have someone do what they want to do. Let them set up their work as they see fit. Let them set their priorities. Let them stumble and learn. They will feel like they matter.

We ask them for help. Too many people are going through life not being acknowledged as a resource. Asking for help shows that you trust someone. It builds a relationship. It makes the person feel valued.

Most importantly, we acknowledge their situation. We make it known that their struggles and triumphs are seen. We make them feel like a valued individual.

COVID messed with us and in this recovery, which will probably last a lot longer than the most serious part of the pandemic, is not going well. We are losing are humanity and we are not doing some of the basics as well as we used to, like treating people like people.

She's The One

I'm getting married. Well, at a minimum, I'm engaged to be married. We don't have a date. We don't have a location. We don't have a plan. Honestly, I'm ok with no plan yet. I got through the hardest part.

I've known for a while that she is the right one for me. We just work. We talk about the hard things such as what scares us. We are very vulnerable with each other. She could crush my heart in an instant. I'm so open with her. I've never allowed myself to be this way with anyone, but with her it feels right. It wasn't a series of calculated of conscious decisions to let her in bit by bit. 

All that being said, asking the woman I love to marry me was the scariest thing I've ever done.

I have taught teenagers how to fly aircraft that don't have engines but this was scarier. I have flown across Northwestern Ontario in a light aircraft in bad weather but this was scarier. I have negotiated multi-million dollar deals but this was scarier.

Even though we had discussed it numerous times and were on the same page, I was so scared when I got down on one knee and asked her.

But then she smiled. It was the biggest, happiest, most beautiful smile in all the big, happy, beautiful smiles I've seen from her. I knew that she meant it when she said yes, and I also knew that my life was on a better path, forever.

For the record she wasn't surprised, she knows me too well. She had me all figured out. This also makes me happy. I love her so much that the idea of love doesn't seem like it fully describes how I feel. I miss her every moment we are apart and my heart fills with joy when I see her. I want to hear about her day and I want to share mine. The little things are better with her.

My parents always told me when you find the right one, you will just know. Mom and Dad were right. She's the one.