Treat People Like People

I worked with an individual for many years who was an excellent leader. I made a point of spending a lot of time with him because, I learned a lot. His wisdom came down to a pretty basic but powerful idea to treat people like people. I often reflect on this concept. I think it holds a lot more water in our current climate than it has at any point in my lifetime.

More and more, I am finding that as we become more tribal, we are not treating people with the basic human dignity that makes many things go so much easier. Too often we are looking at people as numbers or resources. They are worker hours or votes. They are revenue sources or benefit allocations. They are their role not their soul.

While we are able to predict human behaviour and it is amazing how often people fall into line and do what we expect them to do, that does not mean that they are not individuals. Just because we can push someone’s buttons and elicit a highly predictable result, it does not mean that they don’t have hopes or fears.

So, how do we treat people like people?

We listen. People want to be heard. They want an opportunity to express their opinions. They want to know their point of view has been considered. Most people will understand if their idea isn’t used, especially if they are given an explanation. However, they want to be heard.

At least some of the time we give them what they want.. If it doesn’t cause undue hardship and supports the broader goals, you should have someone do what they want to do. Let them set up their work as they see fit. Let them set their priorities. Let them stumble and learn. They will feel like they matter.

We ask them for help. Too many people are going through life not being acknowledged as a resource. Asking for help shows that you trust someone. It builds a relationship. It makes the person feel valued.

Most importantly, we acknowledge their situation. We make it known that their struggles and triumphs are seen. We make them feel like a valued individual.

COVID messed with us and in this recovery, which will probably last a lot longer than the most serious part of the pandemic, is not going well. We are losing are humanity and we are not doing some of the basics as well as we used to, like treating people like people.

Meet People Where They Are

 There has been a definite emphasis on boundaries. In the last few years a lot of people are setting boundaries and not doing things that they shouldn't be doing. This is a good thing and it helps protect people from harmful situations. However, it can go overboard and I'm seeing a trend where people are not having decency, or are being tribal in the name of boundaries.

You always have a decision how you interact with other people. If you feel what they are asking is too much, you can decline to engage. This can be a great idea and will protect you in some situations. If what you are being asked to do can cause physical harm, is illegal, is morally ambiguous, is over-stimulating, or is socially unacceptable, please don't do it.

However, if you are setting boundaries to make it easy for yourself or because you are simply being lazy, while this is your choice, you are only going to make it harder on yourself in the long run.

You need to meet people where they are.

You need to change your approach to get through to people. You need to change your approach to draw people in to your way of thinking. You need to be the difference maker in the interaction to get what you want now, and in the long term.

All this is contingent on people understanding delayed gratification. Doing the hard stuff now and everyday will one day make life a lot easier. It will make you indispensable and you will be able to command how things go because, you have their trust, you have their attention, and you have their answers. You have all this because you met them where they were. You have this because you made the first step easy and now they are on a journey that they like because of you. You have this now because you made the effort.

Effort, maybe that is the difference these days. Maybe the secret sauce is just keep trying. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to keep moving forward and putting out the effort. It will put you in a place to shape the world around you because you are meeting people where they are.

Success comes to those who do the work. The work is really just putting I the effort on a consistent basis. Being consistent is hard at times and getting out of your comfort zone is even harder but, if you consistently meet people where they are, you will be their hero and you will move them forward. Over time, this will all come back to you so many times over. It isn't a quick fix, it isn't revolutionary, it is really just a slow easy way to make a difference and get what you want.

You Have to Play the Hand You are Dealt

 Poker is a pretty good metaphor for life. I fully admit I don't play a lot of poker but I know how and have played in the past. Poker takes a lot of patience, waiting for hands that will yield results. The game doesn't give me the dopamine dump I am looking for but, it has taught me some lessons.

The most important lesson is you have to play the hand you are dealt. We all know that the same people end up at the final table of the World Series of Poker every year. The longer you play in a tournament the less the hands you are dealt matter. A lot of people start the World Series of Poker but only one wins. As the hands pile up, and everyone's opportunities become more homogenous, those that know how to take advantage of ok and good hands will rise to the top. 

In life you need to do the same. Opportunities are everywhere and a few are great. Some are really good. Even more opportunities are good, and a lot are ok. If you keep waiting for the great opportunities to show up you will miss all the really good, good, and even the ok opportunities. The less than perfect opportunities are what move you forward. These are what you need to see and take advantage of, to get to a place where you can pounce on the really good and great opportunities. 

Another way to look at it is, you can't give up on an opportunity every time there is a hardship. You need to find a way. Yes, there are times that it is smart to stop, but rarely is it a good idea to quit when the solution isn't all that hard. You may not always have the resources you need for things to run smoothly. However, if you try anyway things may still run, activities and tasks will get completed, and you will be closer to the goal.

The most successful people try and fail a lot. They believe in themselves and their team a little too much, and because of that, they are successful a bit more often. That little bit more keeps moving them closer to the rare situations that most people can't imagine being in.

I'm not perfect. I let opportunities slip. I don't always see the potential in situations. I make bad decisions. However, I'm always looking to see how I can get closer to where I want things to be. I'm always trying to move forward. I'm always trying to get things done.

Poker is a game that reflects on life. To be at the final table, you need to see enough opportunities to make something happen with the cards you are dealt. The perfect hand may not come your way but a lot of good, and some very good hands will.

The Lesson We Need to Learn From COVID

As we walk away from a global pandemic it is time to take a look back to see what we can do better next time. From my perspective there is one over-arching lesson we need to learn.

If you want to be successful, no matter what, no matter how hard it is, do not stop what you are doing. You may have to change how you deliver your wares but don't stop.

As we look at how things are going in 2023, there are some obvious truths. Now, since I live in Canada, this will have a significant Canadian slant.

Organizations that stopped or essentially stopped are having a lot of trouble getting going again. Let's look at airlines. They were almost completely shut down. Now they are having trouble getting people and their luggage to their destinations on time. Flights are late so often that passengers are expecting and planning for it. The likelihood of your luggage arriving with you is not great. This is all on domestic routes. Operating an airline is a very complex and demanding task. However, like anything, if you do it everyday you will get better at it. If you stop, you will start to lose skills.

Government agencies are failing to deliver services that used to be routine. Try and get a Canadian passport in a timely manner or any pilot documentation out of Transport Canada. You will be frustrated, you will be waiting, you probably won't have much luck getting answers if you reach out. It's an unmitigated disaster. At the start of the pandemic, the staff was sent home to flatten the curve. What they flattened is their ability to deliver their mandates.

Now, let's look at the other side of all of this. In Canada grocery retailers never stopped operating. You could always go to the grocery store and buy food. You may have had to wait in line and toilet paper was an issue in the beginning but retailers trundled on. Now, some Members of Parliament feel that they are making too much money. The large operators are being asked to have their Chief Executive Officers testify before parliamentary committees. Imagine, you kept working and got better at what you do, not to mention serviced more people than you ever have before, and as a result, you need to justify the money you made. If you keep working, you keep learning. That makes you better. If your goal is to make money, you should end up making more money, which will look even more impressive next to businesses that stopped and are now on a very long road to recovery.

People are saying the pandemic showed us a lot of things. They say it showed us that knowledge workers can work from home. I think the jury is still out on this one. Some say that we were not prepared, and will not be next time. This may be true but only time will tell. However, the lesson that we do really need to take away is if you want to be successful, don't stop. You won't be perfect everyday but, doing what needs to be done will continually bring you closer to your goals, and teach you the hard lessons you need to go forward.

Like a Phoenix, Rising From the Ashes

 The title may be a bit of an overkill. I am going to put some effort into reviving this project. It's been years since I wrote in this space. I wrote one post at the height of COVID but anytime I though about writing for an external audience, I didn't have very good things to say and I did not want fill the world with more negative thoughts. Let's be honest, we were all having a few too many.

I now feel like I have things to say to make the world a better place. I'm not too concerned if people read what I have to say. Currently in my mind, it is about the information being available. Maybe over time I will feel a need to promote certain posts but, just having my thoughts out there in the world for anyone to read is a good feeling.

My life has changed a lot in the last few years. We re expanding our family. In fact, when I wrote this blog regularly in the past, I wasn't even married. My family is amazing. They give me strength. They give me purpose. They are what matters the most. Parenting has made me into a better version of the person I want to be. As I write this, my son is sitting on my lap and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The world is getting more fragmented and adversarial. It's a bad way to be going. Yes, we all have and idea of how things should be. At least you should have some opinion. That doesn't mean others don't also have good ideas.

I plan to explore how we can make things better, how we can be better, how we can laugh more, and how we can learn from what we see.

The lessons are everywhere. Often we are not very good at seeing what we need to see. Often we are so caught up in the day to day routine we don't reflect and learn. That doesn't mean we can't make an effort to do better.

There are a lot of good ideas out there, I want to capture and focus some. I want to show the world, even if today they are not interested in listening, that these ideas are worth exploring and reflecting on.

So, I'm not sure how frequent the posts will come but there will be posts. I'm not sure how long the posts will be. I am sure that they will be authentically from me and I hope that everyone reading will gain something from me.

I really think putting good ideas out into the world only helps all of us.

What COVID-19 Hasn't Taken From Me

Over the course of a week everyone in North America's life has been turned upside down. Personally, an annual boys trip to Montreal for St Patrick's Day Weekend, every sporting event in the world, a concert in May in Winnipeg to see Rage Against the Machine, the gym is closed, every bar and restaurant in Ontario is takeout and delivery only, I'm not allowed to leave the country, I have to work from home, I can't fly for work, and I'm not even sure what to plan because I don't know how long it's going to be until the organization I work for starts resume normal programming. Since a big part of what we do is bring large groups together, I am faced with a lot of uncertainty.

All that being said, I feel like there is a lot to be happy about.

My wife loves me. She really loves me. We are both working from home, so we see a lot of each other, and when she looks at me, I can see how much she loves me. There is nobody I would rather be going through this with than her. She thinks I'm worrying too much about others, and not enough about myself, but sometimes that's what I do.

I live in a country with robust supply chains. Yes, at the moment it's hard to find toilet paper, but I bought some really nice fresh veggies today.

I can still exercise. I have started running outside again. Because of this, I have learned that my cardiovascular endurance could be characterized as terrible, but it is going to get better. The gym won't be closed forever. I may not be able to maintain my previous trajectory but, I will prevent a decline.

I eat amazing meals everyday. Because my wife loves me and we can still get great food, we make some amazing meals. The virus hasn't changed this.

This whole situation is weird, I can't compare it to anything I've ever encountered. I hope this flattening the curve strategy will work, but let's be honest, we don't know if it will work or if it will be effective enough.

So, be creative, find a reason to laugh, and cook a good meal. We will get through this.

It's Time to Toughen Up

We are getting soft. I'm not sure if life has become so comfortable that too many people have no real threats to concern themselves with or if extremism is taking over but we are getting pretty soft.

In the early 80's when one kid said something mean to another kid, the receiving child would  turn and recite the old adage, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.'

These days if a kid says something mean, it's now an issue on a similar scale to the Cuban Missile Crisis. Ok, not really that bad but it is not handled at the lowest level. As such, teachers are stressed to their last nerve and we are making kids who become entitled adults.

My parents made me tough, maybe too tough. Sometimes I say things that other people don't like. I get in trouble for it. However, because they made me tough, when I get called out, I genuinely thank them for helping me be better. I have the strength to not be offended when somebody says something I don't like to hear. I use this strength to learn.

I'm worried about what I'm hearing about on University Campuses. Protesters are almost routinely causing controversial speakers to have their appearances cancelled. This is scary. It looks a lot like 1930's Germany when there would be book burnings in the town square. The reason to go to University is disappearing. It used to be a place to have your ideas challenged, not to have your ideas confirmed. I took one religion class when I went to the University of Manitoba. It was Death and Concepts of the Afterlife. It was taught by a wonderful professor, Rabbi Rose. During one of his many interesting lectures, he mentioned that if you go to university and don't feel like your beliefs have been challenged you should ask for your money back. 

If the values and beliefs you hold so close are in fact the best way to run your life, you should be welcoming challenges and questions because it can stand up to scrutiny. Shouting down someone who has a different point of view only shows you do not believe in your point of view, because you will not let your ideas be challenged.

There are some real nut jobs out there. They become obvious when you consume a lot of opinion from a variety of sources. Listening to people you don't particularly agree with builds your savvy. We need more of that. We need people to see and understand why someone would agree to a different point of view.

If you want to be successful, you have to be tough. There is a difference between tough and inconsiderate. You can be tough and polite. Do not get tough and rude confused. If you are really savvy, you can be tough and people will still want to work with you.

It's time to make ourselves resistant to things that don't really matter. The opinion of an uninformed person is not something you should get worked up about. If all they can do is recite a tag line, don't get so butt-hurt. Oh, and by the way, pushing back legitimizes their argument and artificially inflates their importance.