Newborn Fathers

 Less than two weeks ago my daughter was born. It was an exciting time and this makes me a father of two. It is a very busy time for a family as newborns have very small stomachs and thus must eat often. None of this is a surprise to most people. We al hear about the lost sleep to babies. What we don't hear about as much is how hard it is to be useful as a father of a newborn.

Now please understand, there is a lot to do. I am making a lot of the meals. I'm doing a lot of parental tasks for our toddler. I am busy. However, there is a lot I wish I could help with more.

I can't breast feed. As such my wife has to do all the breast feeding, which is going exceptionally well. It's going so well we don't currently need formula. Our daughter figured it out on the day she was born and there has been no looking back. But the great performance means that the milk production is happening if the baby eats it or not. So now a large percentage of my wife's day is dispensing milk. I cannot do this for her so I can't free up time for her to do other things.

I can't heal from delivery. Mothers get beat up pretty good when they deliver babies. It is just the way it is. As humans we heal best when we are asleep, but it is quite hard to get sleep when you have to feed a baby regularly and breastfeeding has gone so well there is an abundance of milk.

I can't build the mother baby connection. Mom's have a special connection with their children. Dad's do too, but it isn't the same. Mom's seem to have to spend a lot of time with there wee ones. This is awesome but also time consuming. I can't do any of it for my wife.

All these things are rather time consuming. It doesn't leave a new mom with much time for other things including personal pursuits. As a caring husband and father I want to do more but so much I can't. I want to make things easier for my wife, but she needs to do what she needs to do. So I find my role is still important but a lot of secondary tasks. I get her snacks while she breastfeeds. I make meals. I rub her feet and shoulders so she can relax a bit. I keep her company, especially at night when it can be a bit lonely. These are all important tasks but they are not glamorous. They don't always seem like the most important things to do, but that's part of the role of a new father. We set the moms up for success. We do the behind the scenes activities that are not discussed at playgroup. We keep the machine ready for action.

While this is critical, it doesn't feel like what I thought being a newborn father would be. The second time around I was better prepared for it. I was ready to fill support roles but, the feeling is still there, and that's ok. We work as a team to take care of the family and I know that the traditional dad stuff is coming. In a few short months, I'll be doing more dad tasks and my role will change to more of what I think a lot of guys expect when then become dads.

So, if you are a new dad and a bit lost or confused, support the new mom and know that your time to shine is coming, and it will be very, very soon.