Newborn Fathers

 Less than two weeks ago my daughter was born. It was an exciting time and this makes me a father of two. It is a very busy time for a family as newborns have very small stomachs and thus must eat often. None of this is a surprise to most people. We al hear about the lost sleep to babies. What we don't hear about as much is how hard it is to be useful as a father of a newborn.

Now please understand, there is a lot to do. I am making a lot of the meals. I'm doing a lot of parental tasks for our toddler. I am busy. However, there is a lot I wish I could help with more.

I can't breast feed. As such my wife has to do all the breast feeding, which is going exceptionally well. It's going so well we don't currently need formula. Our daughter figured it out on the day she was born and there has been no looking back. But the great performance means that the milk production is happening if the baby eats it or not. So now a large percentage of my wife's day is dispensing milk. I cannot do this for her so I can't free up time for her to do other things.

I can't heal from delivery. Mothers get beat up pretty good when they deliver babies. It is just the way it is. As humans we heal best when we are asleep, but it is quite hard to get sleep when you have to feed a baby regularly and breastfeeding has gone so well there is an abundance of milk.

I can't build the mother baby connection. Mom's have a special connection with their children. Dad's do too, but it isn't the same. Mom's seem to have to spend a lot of time with there wee ones. This is awesome but also time consuming. I can't do any of it for my wife.

All these things are rather time consuming. It doesn't leave a new mom with much time for other things including personal pursuits. As a caring husband and father I want to do more but so much I can't. I want to make things easier for my wife, but she needs to do what she needs to do. So I find my role is still important but a lot of secondary tasks. I get her snacks while she breastfeeds. I make meals. I rub her feet and shoulders so she can relax a bit. I keep her company, especially at night when it can be a bit lonely. These are all important tasks but they are not glamorous. They don't always seem like the most important things to do, but that's part of the role of a new father. We set the moms up for success. We do the behind the scenes activities that are not discussed at playgroup. We keep the machine ready for action.

While this is critical, it doesn't feel like what I thought being a newborn father would be. The second time around I was better prepared for it. I was ready to fill support roles but, the feeling is still there, and that's ok. We work as a team to take care of the family and I know that the traditional dad stuff is coming. In a few short months, I'll be doing more dad tasks and my role will change to more of what I think a lot of guys expect when then become dads.

So, if you are a new dad and a bit lost or confused, support the new mom and know that your time to shine is coming, and it will be very, very soon.

Your Happy Place

The Toronto Zoo. There is not much in this world I enjoy more than family time at the Toronto Zoo. It takes us about an hour and forty minutes to drive there from our home. Going to the zoo is a a serious time commitment, and honestly, I think it is one of the best time commitments I can make.

We all need a place that makes us happy.

I’m not suggesting taking a toddler to the zoo is easy. It is fraught with possible bad outcomes. It could easily go quite poorly, but it doesn’t. Our son always has so much fun. The first time was a big experience and had a few challenging moments. Today we went for the first time since winter and not only did he remember it, he was the happiest we have seen him yet.

When you look around your life, what is your true happy place? What is always a great experience, even if logically it might go awry? Now ask yourself, do I do this enough?

I think we go to the zoo about the right amount. If we went too often, it would become routine and some of the magic would disappear. We could go a bit more but right now we know that every time we go, everyone will have a great time.

It’s easy to get bogged down in the day to day grind. I let this happen way too often. I know  I should be making more time for the happy things in life. I’m sure this is typical of a lot of people living a similar situation. We should be taking stock of our situation and adjusting when we can. It isn’t easy. Often what makes us the happiest takes some effort. Sometimes it’s the effort that makes us feel the best. The zoo doesn’t take a lot of effort, we have so much fun as a family and I think that may be a big part of why it is my happy place.

Go out and find yours, you deserve it!

Sometimes You Win, Sometimes - Not So Much

My vacation continues in snowy Brandon, Manitoba. It's a nice little place where winter sets in for a long time. It's also where all my direct family lives. It's great to see everyone. Hanging out with the family is always nice. I don't see them very often since leaving Manitoba but when I do it's like I never left.

All this reminds me why family is important. I tend to be busy and often don't feel like I have the time to call or write but that doesn't mean they are not important. They are busy too. Often when I try to call they are out. I don't expect them to sit at home by the phone so I am never disappointed if I miss them. However, sometimes it may be a couple of months between times we talk.

That's the winning.

I was supposed to fly from Winnipeg to Brandon in a small airplane yesterday. It would have been a great way to get out to see the family. As it turned out the weather was not conducive to flying a small airplane along that route in the window we had. So I had to go by surface transport. It's not a horrible thing to travel by surface transport between Winnipeg and Brandon but it was going to be a chance to fly along the route that was the first solo cross-country flight I had ever flown so it would have been neat. The forecast before went to bed looked like we could get out of Winnipeg but not into Brandon so the backup was to fly some circuits for fun. When we woke up the weather was so we could get into Brandon but not out of Winnipeg so even the circuits were not a possibility. 

Even though I didn't get to fly, the trip did give me a chance to catch up with another friend during the drive, so there was a silver lining.

I'm having a great vacation and nearly everything has worked out better than I hoped, even if I didn't get to fly yesterday.