Balance

I am again traveling for my job. I'm on a layover in Toronto. As I was sitting on the plane I was thinking about how this is way too familiar. I have my earbuds in, listening to music, trying to nap. I do it a lot which must mean I'm traveling a lot. I will admit I have managed to slow down my work travel a bit but is still a reality in what I do. I understand the need for it. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it any more enjoyable.

I have never been great at living a balanced life. It's not that I don't want to I just seem to put a lot importance on my job. I tend to sacrifice other areas of my life to devote more time and effort to the job. There is a definite upside to it. I managed to accumulate the skills and experiences to be promoted. I get to take on new and sometimes exciting challenges. In exchange for that I have missed family activities. I have lost track of people. Of course, this was before we could nearly live online. Ultimately there is a cost to being successful in an aspect of your life, we all pay it.

I know people who put their homelike first. It is more important to be around family than to advance in their career. This is also a choice. Like me they give up something for a benefit elsewhere.

So, I was thinking to myself, why do I default to the work position? Why do I feel the need to put the organization I work for ahead of nearly anything else?

Somewhere along the way I started to identify with what I do. This was before my current position or even my current employer. I think part of it was I like nice things and want to have more than the basic requirements. I will be honest, when you don't have to worry week to week if you are going to be able to cover the bills and you have some cash left over to do some of the things you want to, a lot of stress disappears. I don't know if it really makes you less stressed, I think it just frees up some stress tolerance to be applied toward your job. I don't feel stressed in the day to day duties but being away always adds a bit. Hoping you don't miss your connection and your ride is there when you arrive are never without some worry. Changing time zones, sleeping in strange beds, and eating at funny times wear on the body. Missed workouts make you feel sluggish. It's just the way it is.

This still doesn't really explain why I choose to have a challenging job that leads to an unbalanced life.

Part of me likes the challenge. Knowing you do something that not everyone is capable or willing to take on is rewarding. On those days when something comes together you can feel like you are on top of the world. Making it better or helping someone is definitely its own reward. Not every job has that. However, to be in a position for those things to come to pass, you have to travel, take work home, make your deadlines, make unpopular decisions, and put your job ahead of a lot.

There still must be a way to live a more balanced life.

I think part of the secret is to know what is productive and important and what is work for the sake of work. That can be difficult. What seems useless to you may produce key information for decision makers elsewhere in the organization. If there is truly no value then it should be eliminated. If it produces very little value for a lot of effort then it should be evaluated. If we can reduce workload without reducing effectiveness then it can be easier to be more balanced in life. Unfortunately, you may become even more unbalanced while you are trying to make it better and that may look like more effort than its worth. As a result, you are stuck in an unbalanced life.

I'm trying to be a bit more balanced. I'm not sure if I'm really doing a great job but, as I more forward, I hope that I can get it sorted out, even if it's just a little bit better.

Back At It

Tomorrow I go back to work after 3 weeks of vacation. This is the first time I have ever taken 3 continuous weeks off in my working life. There have been times I have taken 2 weeks and been ready to get back to work at the end of my time off. I was a bit concerned that I would be a bit stir crazy by the end. This is not the case. I don't want to go back. At this moment I would be fine with never working again. Financially, this is not an option but if it was, I think I would be resigning. I've been thinking the last couple of days about why I have no desire to return to the office. The best I can come up with is I enjoyed my time off so much, why should it end? I already wrote about how good my time was in Manitoba. I also enjoyed my time back in Ottawa. I was in the gym a lot and that always makes me feel pretty good. I got to spend some time with a friend I hadn't seen in a year. We had some good times and laughed. That always makes me feel good. I went to see the Winnipeg Jets play twice. Once in Winnipeg and once in Montreal. They lost in Montreal but the Bell Centre is undeniably fun when the Habs are winning, so even though the outcome wasn't what I was hoping for it was a great time. Enjoying my time may be why going to work doesn't seem so exciting. It may be a bit of a mid-life crisis. I turned 35 just before Christmas. Even though a waitress at the Honest Lawyer though I was 27, she doesn't have the ability to make it so. There are days when I take a bit of stock and I wonder what else could have been. What have I missed by working so much. It is possible I'm living the best possible version. This is just one of those things we will never know. I will get up in the morning and I will walk to the office, just like I do everyday. I will start into the work that needs to be done. There may be something amazing happen at work and the only way to know is showing up. There have been several great moments in my work life and if I go to work I'm sure there will be more. I'm very grateful for my spot in life but it's not perfect and I do wonder what a different version of my life would look like.

Home Cooking

When you are travelling for work for an extended period of time its surprising what becomes important to you. People often want to go home to see friends and family but I find I miss the little things a lot. I have not been home for nearly seven weeks and there are some things I am noticing I haven't been around and would like to be.


I miss my couch. It seems a bit funny and maybe a bit obvious but stretching out on the couch to watch a football game or a movie is near heaven to me. I eat most of my meals on my couch which brings us to the next point.


I miss home cooked food. I enjoy restaurant food. If I'm eating in a cafeteria for an extended period of time I'm ok with it. I'll eat nearly anything when I'm hungry but I like a meal prepared the way I like it, in the amount I want, when I want. I have to do all the cooking and the clean up at home and there I times I can't be bothered but when you haven't had a home cooked meal in 7 weeks you start to really miss it.


I miss having my own washroom. Having to put shoes and pants on at 3 am to take a leak just plain sucks. Having to share toilets, sinks, and showers with others is not ideal. Having to carry your supplies down the hall the get cleaned up is just annoying.


I miss having comfortable, private space. I can close the door to my room but its small and if I have to go pee I am in a semi-public place. As social as I can be, there are times when I want to be alone.


I miss air that circulates.  There is no forced air ventilation system in my room so all day, while I'm working, the air in the room remains stagnant and can get musty.


I'm a very lucky person to be able to go a lot of different places and do a lot of different things but from time to time I miss my home. I head back to Ottawa on Saturday, it may be Sunday before I arrive and  am excited for all the things I just have not had in my life for the last seven weeks.

The Big Adventure

I'm very fortunate, I know this. I have been blessed with some great moments, great family, wonderful friends, and a comfortable life. I think this is what a lot of people work hard for and that's why I've worked hard. There are times that I feel like I still haven't lived the big adventure.

I don't know what the big adventure is or what it will look like. Maybe I'm living it but I don't think so. At least not yet.

I know you wouldn't call my life typical. I'm good with that. Maybe it's enough but I'm not convinced.

I want to have the big adventure. I'm not sure if it involves traveling, or work, or something else.

I think I need to keep my eyes open and seize opportunities. I seem to be good at that. I want to look back and say it was all good. I want to have the best memories. I want to know I lived life.

I think it's important to live the life you want. I want the big adventure.